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Ability is what will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.
~ Author Unknown

Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.
~ P.D. East

There's no such thing as fun for the whole family.
~ Jerry Seinfeld

The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind - a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.
~ Woody Allen

My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fiber, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.
~ Douglas Adams

And on the eighth day God said, "Okay, Murphy, you're in charge!"
~ Author Unknown

May those who love us love us,
and those who do not love us,
may God turn their hearts,
and if He cannot turn their hearts
may He turn their ankles
that we may know them by their limping.
~ Irish Prayer

Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to weave.
~ Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football.
~ Author Unknown